Drabblishness
by FairyPirate
Summary: Collection of Randomness. Lucy ended up in our times and fell in love with a cell phone. Peter becomes confused and Caspian discovers an unsettling truth about his uncle. No incest. Highly OOC
1. Verizon i think

**So it's three in the morning and once again I find myself bored.**

**Here's the deal: Lucy somehow or other visited our day and ends up obsessed with texting. Then she somehow makes it back to Narnia in time for that scene in movie numbero dos where Peters all thoughtful and stuff. Except now he's just confused.**

**Disclaimer: If I had invented Narnia, then I wouldn't feel the need to make up crap like this.**

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Lucy: _Sits down next to Peter_

Peter: _Is being a Pensive Pevensie and therefore looks thoughtful._

Lucy: _Has somehow managed to acquire a phone with a full keyboard and is madly texting away even though there _shouldn't _be any service there seeing as it's in a different dimension and all._

Peter: _is now curious as to why Lucy isn't paying attention to him_

Lucy: _not giving attention to Peter even though she really did have a good reason for coming originally but she kind of forgot_

Peter: What is that thing?

Lucy: Idk

Peter: Umm so what's up?

Lucy: nm. U?

Peter: _watches as Lucy's thumbs fly across her peculiar little device._

Lucy: _still texting_

Peter: what are you doing?

Lucy: Texting

Peter: What's that?

Lucy: uh, hard 2 xplain. Its like talking but w/ur fingers

Peter: and uhh, who were you talking to so much?

Lucy: Idk, my bff the dlf

Peter: Uh-huh…

Emund: _Barges in._ Lucy you were supposed to tell him!

Lucy: Omg! I like totally 4got!

Peter: What's going on?

Ed: You better come see this.

_Outside, like a gazillion Telmarines are marching forward, bent on killing all the little kiddies inside, cuz that's like the total noble way of winning a war._

Peter: Well you are most definitely NOT going to participate in this.

Lucy: WTF!? TISNF!! _Storms off to find Aslan_


	2. Star Wars

**AN: I´m on vacation right now in a five hundred year old town, yesterday I saw the place where they tortured people during the Inquisition.**

**There isn´t much to do here but I found an Internet Cafe (bless whoever thought of those) anyways Im playing the impossible quiz and this came to mind for no reason. Sorry that the author note is longer than the actual thing. I´ll make it longer when i get home and thanks to the people that reviewed.**

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_Set during the raid on the castle BTW._

CASPIAN: You killed my father.

MIRAZ: No, I am your father.

CASPIAN: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

MIRAZ: J.K. I really am your uncle.

CASPIAN: Oh, then back to killing you.


	3. Partay

**AN: Sorely for my entertainment and hopefully yours as well. Ignore the fact that there were no flashing lights and loud rock music in Narnia but it just makes it go so much better.**

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Work, Work, Work, Work. That was all they ever did.

High King Peter, sign this paper declaring war with the giants.

Queen Susan, you must order the things for the ambassadors stay.

King Edmund, would you please devote more time to the training of your soldiers.

Queen Lucy, can you please attend the hearing this afternoon.

Every one needs a break or they'll blow up.

"Hey Tumnus! How much wine do we have left over from the ambassadors stay?"

"Quiet a bit sir," Tumnus noted the odd change in Peter. "Why do you ask?"

* * *

"Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!" Two empty bear mugs hit the table. They were only about a second apart.

"Wooooooooooooooooooo," one of the drinkers cried out. The shot of adrenaline was immense.

"The winner is… Tumnus!!

"Yeah baby!!" A conquered fawn made room for the next in line to compete against Tumnus.

"Again!!" cheered the crowd. He was actually feeling a little bit sick.

"I thindk I'm done for now." The mob looked murderous. The sick wave passed.

"Anything to please my fans!"

"YAY"

"Who will be the next in line to be defeated by the invincible Tumnus?"

"You shall, for I challenge you and you will lose."

"And if our beloved fawn should fail then his head deserves to be cut off."

"That's right- wait crazy hoe say what?!" Tumnus shot daggers at the one who had spoken from within the horde, King Edmund.

"You agreed to it." He smirked. Cheeky little one had never liked him.

Oh well it wasn't like the nameless night was going to out drink him.

The only drunk bigger than he from Telmar to Calmorene was…

"King Peter!" Tumnus felt his knees begin to quake.

"Name your game dear brother," cried Edmund

"Shots."

"Fabulous"

"So the terms are agreed to," the blond said.

The poor fawn was only able to squeak out, "No they're not-" The sickness came back and up his throat.

* * *

On the stage, Lucy unknowingly lived out her future dream of being a rock star for a big crowd. She filled up her lungs in preparation as the chorus to the awesomest song ever came up.

"Singing, I LOVE ROCK AND ROLL SO PUT ANOTHER DIME IN THE JUKE BOX BABY! I LOVE ROCK AND ROLL, SO COME AND TAKE THE TIME AND DANCE WITH ME! NIRNIR NIRE NIR NURRR!!"

* * *

Edmund got an idea then.

"Peter give it up he beat you fair and square!"

"Off with his head any ways!"

"You can't do that."

"Yeah I can, I'm the king and I declare that the people do as I say." Edmund rolled his eyes and the stupidity that liquor brought onto some of the noblest and smartest of people. Not that he could ever recall Peter being much too bright.

"Well I'm not the people. I'm a king here as well. And you yourself declared that any proposal of this sort made by high people of nobility while under intoxication is void."

"No I dindm't."

"Yeah you did."

"Well then I declare that I undo it."

"The decree? You have to sign a paper to do that."

"I declare that I can make decrees that say that I can't make decrees in the past so I can't make a decree in the present saying that I can't make future decrees while I'm drunk and without signing things."

"Huh?"

"I can declare anything now."

"No you can't old decree is still in place. Even if you did verbally remove it I declare that I can declare it back that no one can declare anything. Thus saving Tumnus from being decapitated. Cuz I'm the Just king."

"How come you get to declare things?"

"Didn't you here me? I'm the just and anyways I'm totally cooler than you. I declare that gives me a certain right for declarations."

"You just said that you can't make decrees- My head hurts with all this pointless and confusing argument does yours- well you're drunk any ways!"

"Am not"

"I saw you drink a margarita."

"I did not!"

"Did too."

"But I'm not drunk. That's tipsy to you, barley even buzzed. Well I have a better game than shots anyways.

"Oh yeah what is it"

"AIR GUITAR CONTEST!!"

* * *

"So honey, let me buy you a drink."

"Ughh i can pay for my self thank you," Susan huffed.

"Hey Sue come here! Mr. T needs ur help." She got up and began to head in the direction of Peters voice.

"And BTW I am so wayyyyy out of your leage.Bytch."

"MOSH PIT ''That was Tumnus again. He did the lamest stage dive ever and due to the vomit still clinging to his sideburns and goatee every body got out of the way and he once again landed on the floor. Susan could have sworn that Tumnus was the lame bastard she had supervised the throwing out in front of the castle of earlier. How the crap he was back in the party no one knew.

"Oooooooooohhh that looks like fun," said Susan but seeing as all the guys wanted to manhandle her, when she jumped she was actually caught and a mosh pit did progress.

Then suddenly,

"Everybody hide the booze it's the fuzz!" Everybody stared and then started as Mr. Beaver came in with the warning. Cans where shoved in the randomest places but no matter how often the question 'Where should I put this' and the answer 'up yours (and others)' were said and how quickly things really were stuffed in those and in even randomer and grosser places, by the time that pounding footsteps where heard coming closer, everyone admitted that there was no way that they could feign that they had been socializing in a nice little civil ball. Not that they had permission to throw one anyways.

Everyone's main concern now was getting out the back doors to escape from being caught.

The royal family had almost made it to the exit when a seething centaur hurled open the front doors to the great hall. The people left inside hurled themselves out through windows or hiding under tables. The Pevensies shrunk back.

"Oreos it's not what you think!"

"Have Mercy!"

"We can explain!

"Please don't tell Mrs. Beaver!"

He glared and his nostrils flared as he stormed forward.

"WHY THE FUCK WAS I NOT INVITED?!"

A country run by teens with no supervision. What do you expect.Well there were a few adult mythological creatures but they don't always count. Especially the fawns


	4. Susans fat

**To B. and S. I have recently decided that your initials smushed together stand for, you guessed it, Bull $#*%. Hey B if you hated this story so much right from the start then why did you even bother to go through all three chapters? Whatever you brought my review number up so thanks actually. I hate people that like to smack others but don't bother to make their own profile so that I can comment back without bothering everyone else. But there you go.**

**To the lovely and awesome people that liked this story thank you very much.**"Susan you're too fat!"

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"Am not!"

"Are too! You're slowing us down!"

"So what are you gonna do leave me in the middle of the woods while were being chased by a bunch of men planning to kills us?"

"Thats a great idea!"

"But those men might do anything to me!"

"Get off Susan, you really do think you're that hot don't you?"

"Lucy don't leave me!"

"But it will be sooo much faster to get to Aslan if you just stay here and knock a few of them out for me."

"What happens to the ones i don't take down? There's got to be almost ten of them!"

"Chillax, you're Susan the insanely awesome at archery!"

"You're right I've got to take control of the situation and save my little sister. But the odds aren't good Lu, in case I don't get out-"

"Thats the spirit! Now off you go!"

And with that Lucy unceremoniously dumped off her older sister in a pile of icky leaves with lots of bugs in them.

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**Sorry its short.**


End file.
